Endless Winter: Paleoamericans
Rick: Winter is coming.
Pete: Yeah, yeah. Game of Thrones is cool. Blah, blah, blah.
Rick: No man, I mean winter is coming.
Pete: Well, yes. That’s true. It is November in New England.
Rick: Winter is great. Crip air in the lungs, the crush of frost benefit your feet, a white wonderland to look at—
Pete: Brown snow from mixed-in roadwork debris, yellow snow from pee, and poison snow from untold tons of microplastics.
Rick: So you don’t think we should unbox some sort of thematically-appropriate, seasonal, non-holiday-specific board game?
Pete: Did you know that it is no longer safe to drink rain water or eat snow anywhere on earth because of microplastics?
Rick: Well, sure. But that’s not really the point here. We need to create a picturesque scene for a winter-themed board game, not eat random stuff off the ground.
Pete: I’m pretty sure you can’t even roll in snow without getting some sort of crazy face disease. Plastics for board game components and rare Earth metals and massive energy requirements for server farms that allow for billions of digital downloads are destroying this planet!
Rick: I think you’re conflating a number of environmental issues and their causes. I don’t think any of that is quite right. Board game production, I’m sure, counts for a statistically insignificant amount of microplastic pollution. Also: just—just wash your face before you go to bed.
Pete: Okay, fine. Whatever.
Rick: What if I told you about a winter-themed board game that took place during the last Ice Age—before industrial nonsense and information-age digital downloads destroyed everything? A game about exploring new territory, defending your tribe, and fighting for your very survival in an endless winter—much like we may have coming in New England.
Pete: That actually sounds pretty dope. What’s it called?
Rick: Endless Winter: Paleoamericans (2022), designed by Stan Kordonskiy and published by Fantasia Games.
Pete: We’ll need a snow shot. It’s not snowing yet.
Rick: I know a guy from my LARP with a snow machine. He works at a ski resort up in Vermont. I’m sure we can make a deal to borrow the snow machine.
Pete: Is that on the level?
Rick: Absolutely not. That’s why I said I know “a guy.”
Pete: I like it already.
Rick: Of course you do.
Pete: Do you think you can make different types of snow?
Rick: Oh, I’m sure he can.
Pete: Powder snow?
Rick: Yup.
Pete: Crunchy snow?
Rick: Sure!
Pete: Microplastic-free snow.
Rick: Ah, poop. Maybe we should just go the digital download route and find a cute picture of wolves or deer in the woods or something.
