Paleo: A New Beginning

Pete: Hey Keegan, do you think you and I would have thrived during the Paleolithic era?

Keegan: Absolutely not. We’d be the first ones to get picked off.

Pete: What? Why?

Keegan: Because our particular brand of skills are really only useful in the information age. Yours in psychometric analysis and abstract construct differentiation, and mine in predictive statistical modeling and coding.

Pete: But we like board games! Always an adventure! Always a new world to explore! That’s kind of like living in the Paleolithic area.

Keegan: No, not really. From my reading of history, paleolithic peoples stayed quite close to their caves, only venturing out to hunt and gather food. The exploration of new lands meant almost certain death. Plus, you and I are not nearly as adventurous as we’d both like to believe.

Pete: How do you figure?

Keegan: Well, I’m very much a warm-and-comfy-bed man. Just the idea of car camping gives me ulcers.

Pete: Whatever. I’ve moved and lived all over the country.

Keegan: And I happen to know every time you have moved, you’ve always done an in-depth analysis to make sure that you were never more than 2.4 miles from an office supply store, 1.2 miles from a well-stocked, friendly local game store, and 0.5 miles from a gourmet coffee shop.

Pete: How do you know all of this?

Keegan: You were blogging about it at the time. You must’ve been plowed.

Pete: See? There you go! Fermentation reaches back to the Paleolithic era.

Keegan: I’m actually not sure that’s true. That might be a false fact. Also. I’m pretty sure you weren’t drinking things that would barely be considered fermented milk and honey. I’m pretty sure you were sucking down top-shelf gin Negronis. Why the sudden interest in the Paleolithic era?

Pete: I saw a new expansion for Paleo (2020) called Paleo: A New Beginning (2021) by Peter Rustemeyer and published by Z-Man Games. Thought it looked cool. Started daydreaming.

Keegan: Just stick to the unboxings.

Pete: Fiiine. Okay. Do you—do you really think we would be the first ones to get picked off?

Keegan: Without question. I ran the numbers. In 100,000 out of 100,000 statistical simulations, we get killed immediately.